“Minions” Review – Much Better In Theory Than Execution

While trying to salvage a wasted day yesterday, I decided to head to the closest theater – where literally the only movie that would start within the next hour was the new “Minions” movie. So, I sat through it so you don’t have to. Long story short, I’m the furthest from an advocate for more content revolving around the minions, but “Minions” would have been much better as a series than a standalone movie.

For such a hyped up movie, “Minions” was fun for kids – but kind of painful otherwise. At least with the “Despicable Me” movies, we had extra things like original music from Pharrell Williams. Sure, “Minions” had some big names in the cast – but every single part of the story in this movie was just like a Drake song and went from zero to a hundred REAL QUICK. The scenes just didn’t connect with each other, at all.

To be quite honest, I was going to leave the theater – had I not felt inclined to tell the world how little this movie is worth watching. I will say though, of the three minions – Bob is the only minion that I think a sane adult wouldn’t want to see burn in a furious hellfire. Stuart the one-eyed minion is just annoying arrogant the whole movie. Every time a task comes up, they show Stuart trying to fix the situation due to over confidence – and ultimately fails. You can only do that so many times in a movie. As for the last minion, Kevin, at one point he becomes a giant, tower sized minion. At which point, my brain just gave up on all of humanity.

“Despicable Me”? Super into it, even though the second one was a reach – the minions were at least tolerable, and much funnier in those movies. By themselves,  I just feel like it would work much better as a kids show than a standalone movie. This movie just sped through their entire story too quickly to make sense. You see at least  95% of the trailer within the first 10 minutes of the movie – which I’m still confused as to why anyone in the theater laughed at those first 10 minutes. Those trailers have been so thrust upon our eyeballs that if you were actually able to avoid the trailer, you might actually live under a rock.

This movie is definitely not worth the price of a ticket. If you’re taking kids with you, it’s not boring – just painful. If you’re just a fan of the minions, then the movie has a few cute moments – but falls short otherwise. Here’s to hoping this minion madness ends at this movie.

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